I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
