there was a trapeze. enough said
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
