I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
