I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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