You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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