I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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