so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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