OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
