I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
