I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
