onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Less talking, more tequila
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
