Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
