You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
