11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
