I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I did not marry a roomba.
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