So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I want a musical about memes.
I'm always down for nudity.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
