Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
