she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
