my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
