Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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