I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
