I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
