How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
