So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
