I'm going to rape someone's good day.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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