Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
