idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
