If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
40s are totally the cure
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
