Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
