so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
