We won't sleep together?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
