remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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