in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
