I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
