He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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