who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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