their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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