Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My dick has a subreddit
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
