I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I know her cup size but not her name....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
