Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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