doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And then he peed in my hair
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