omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
