You were right. It hurts to walk today.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
