Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
