i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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