I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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