If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
