I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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