I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
