Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
