I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
is wine microwaveable?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
