I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
